Finding Yourself in a Post-Religion Era

Let’s start with an exercise. For each of the brands you recognize below, recall what their product is. Then look at screenshot of their landing page as of late 2022.

Patagonia

Patagonia is most known for selling t-shirts and outerwear. But their website obfuscates the fact that they are a clothing company at all. Instead, they have a video series about sharing knowledge and taking care of the environment.

Red Bull

Red Bull is most known for selling an energy drink. But their website obfuscates the fact that they are a beverage company. Instead, they have an articles about extreme climbers and other heroic feats.

Allbirds

Allbirds is most known for selling a comfortable shoe, direct-to-consumer. But their website focuses on sustainability and environmental impact, highlighting several stories about climate change.

Apple, Careers Page

In broad strokes, Apple employs people in software, hardware, business and retail roles. As someone applying to work for Apple, I’m buying into a specific day-to-day role. But their careers webpage focuses on a set of core values including accessibility, education, environment and inclusion and diversity – values that I would gander most Apple employees don’t directly engage with on a daily, let alone monthly or quarterly basis.

Surprised?

Maybe, maybe not. But there’s a reason these top brands choose to point to mission statements and their stances on top-of-mind issues in lieu of the product or career you’re coming to their website looking for.

Brands recognize that people flock to narratives. However, narratives are not values. And people subconsciously construe the two. Religion used to provide us with core values upon which to develop our senses of self and make life decisions. But with the declining role of religion, people are now forming confused identities based on narratives rather than values. As a result, people are more confused about their sense of self and life direction.

Don’t blame brands for pointing to narratives. Their goal was never to help you develop your identity. This article will bring into awareness how to create your own set of values to bolster your sense of self and feel greater conviction and fulfillment.

The Foundational Role of Religion and Tradition

For thousands of years, spiritual religion played a big role in humanity. It functioned as the glue and guide for communities, providing belonging + direction. At the core, spiritual religion provides a common, inviolable set of ethics that members follow. These ethics (and the shared beliefs, rituals and experiences built upon them) created feelings of belonging to an in-group, and also gave people guidance in life decisions.

In fact, the “Spiritual” aspect of a religion is secondary to the need for a set of ethics. Look at China, a nation with one of the lowest prevalence of spiritual religion. While they don’t have spiritual religion, they have a very strong set of common, inviolable ethics that take the form of cultural expectations and norms and are reinforced by the government.

In recent years, especially in Western society, religion (and tradition) have been eschewed in favor of science and individual identity. This has led to exponential increases in technological innovation and industry, but has come at the expense of being able to coexist well in groups as evidenced by rampant polarization, distrust of institutions, more stress and depression, more people on meds, and an increase in self-centered priorities.

As a result, new institutions have emerged to fill the gaping need for belonging and direction.

New Sources of Belonging and Direction

New Sources of Belonging:

Companies refer to their employees as “families,” brands build fandoms, and popular interest-based communities such as Crossfit, Soulcycle and Barry’s Bootcamp have generated cult-like followings.

New Sources of Direction:

Consumer-facing companies build brands by pointing to “Missions” and “Values” to attract customers. B2B companies build similar brands to attract new hires. They recognize that in today’s post-religion era, people must choose their own values and ethics. And by explicitly associating themselves with values and mission statements, people are (subconsciously) choosing where to work, what to buy and how to spend their time based on the values they want to embody.

In this new economy, culture has become the real product. It is composed of practices, values, and experiences. Physical products and services are auxiliary – they support the consumer or employee’s desire to engage with that culture. And most importantly, in our post-religion era, people now opt into these cultures knowing that doing so might change who they are.

Limitations of this new economy

1. Belonging is weaker. The glue holding these communities together is weaker. When you look at what separates spiritual religion from modern communities, you discover a fabric of self-sacrifice built on values or beliefs that incentivize individuals to act for the benefit of the group and its cohesion, even if it is at their short-term expense.

   e.g. Put the needs of others above your own as a way to achieve salvation (heaven, better caste, escape from rebirth, etc).

   e.g. adhere to the common, inviolable set of ethics that the group stands by to avoid being ostracized by the rest of the group.

2. Values/Ethics feel shallow because they’re not truly embodied. Companies point to values to attract customers and employees, but few do enough to help people engage with them and fully embody them.

   e.g. Buying clothes from a company whose brand is built around social equality yet does little to help you practice combatting unconscious bias.

   e.g. Working for a company that flaunts its involvement in giving back to the community yet gives you few opportunities to do so as part of your job.

3. Values that companies point to don’t provide direction because they are often issue-based, rather than core values. Issue-based values are flashier and appeal to whatever focal point is in the public eye. Young people are developing identities created from an amalgamation of these issue-based “values” that are presented to them. However unlike core values, issue-based values aren’t applicable or useful when making life decisions. Thus, they’re confused about life direction, struggle to build conviction, and have underdeveloped senses of self – of the ethics they truly care about and aspire to.

   e.g. Companies and brands advertise their stance on polarizing issues such as climate change, LGBTQ+ rights, racial equality, political tensions, etc. But these issue-based values don’t help me decide what career to pursue, what relationships to prioritize and what personal goals to set.

What to do about these limitations

1. The “Loneliness Economy” is a term I’ve seen growing that acknowledges that belonging today is weaker and new institutions for belonging and connection need to be built. Companies like Peoplehood have mission statements about human

   The founders of Soul Cycle have a new company called “Peoplehood.” Peoplehood is a relational group practice, similar to Circling or its more older cousin, group psychotherapy. It delivers the community and bonding that people came to Soul Cycle for, minus the exercise bike. In a recent interview, founder Julie Rice said “we realized that connection should be its own product. We are modern medicine for the loneliness epidemic.” This is a brand that is about the practices and beliefs.

2. Don’t settle for shallow values. If a company’s brand points to a value you aspire to, be cognizant that you need to engage with and practice these values yourself to truly embody them. Check whether buying from, working for or engaging with this company will provide opportunities and accountability for putting these values into practice (e.g. does Patagonia help you become more outdoorsy and environmentally conscious?). And remember, if the company won’t do it for you, you can always push yourself to embody these values on your own.

3. Distinguish between issue-based values and core values. It’s fine to take a stance on an issue, but don’t conflate this with your self-identity. Boil down core values that you care about and aspire to, such as kindness, generosity and altruism. We don’t need spirituality to aspire to a strong set of secular ethics. We believe these ethics and core values are fundamental to establishing life direction and confidently making life decisions.

If this resonates with you and you begin working on articulating your intrinsic values, it may be helpful to consider mindfulness practices and therapy on your journey towards greater conviction and fulfillment. We’ve found that after people understand how these tools work, their “woo woo” impressions often shift and their ability to bolster their sense of self improves.

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